Dawn On A Funeral Day
by BeautyFiend
Summary: Sequel to Not Forever...What ever happened? Was Alex okay? Was the baby okay? please read and review...
1. Default Chapter

Hey guys…this is the sequel to Not Forever so if you're reading this you might want to go back and read that first. This is one of the two sequels that I'm writing…the other one should be up soon. But you guys can thank Amanda for rushing me to get this one done lol…let me know what you think…

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters…even though I do wish I owned Mike Lobel…lol j/k…

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(Jay's Point of View)

"Jay we have some news on Alex and your daughter…" he looked at me with an emotionless mask that I guess he had to use and I didn't know what to expect…good or bad news… "I'm sorry…we did all we could but Alex started to hemorrhage and lost to much blood. We did all we could but we couldn't save her…but for being born premature your daughter had strong lungs and she should be okay. I'm sorry…" My heart sank to the floor. I didn't know what to do so I got up and ran…she couldn't be gone! I only got so far before I ran out of breath and completely broke down crying. I lost her…I lost the girl I loved. I felt arms around me and noticed Ellie hugged herself to me, she too was crying. What was I going to do? How was I supposed to raise Layla on my own? How was I going to support both of us? I had so many questions but no answers. I couldn't take just sitting there anymore I unwrapped Ellie's arms from around me and ran off again. I went to the park that was by my house. This was where Alex and me would sneak to when we weren't supposed to be out late at night.

_"Look how beautiful the stars are Lexxi" I intertwined my fingers with hers and we had laid there just looking up at them. I had planned a nice picnic type thing for when she got there, I was never the romantic type but I had done something really messed up that day and I had to get her to forgive me somehow. She sat up and I pulled myself up, she looked so beautiful, even in the dark._

_"Jay you didn't have to go through all this just for me." She could never just say thank you or be happy she got something, she would always say that she didn't need all of that all she needed was me. "But I will admit I do like all of this." I laughed quietly as she reached over and grabbed some of the food off the plate of cookies, brownies, and other random junk food stuff I had bought. "You know me so well don't you Jay?"_

_"Of course I do Lexxi. That's why I love you." That whole night we laid under the stars and talked. We talked about everything possible, from school to our home lives. She was the first person I told about what it was like at my house and she told me about her life. We talked until it was about 4 in the morning, and the funny part was I never got tired of talking to her. We could have talked about the same thing over and over again but it still would have been interesting to me._

"Why did you have to take her? Why couldn't you have taken me? Alex would have been a better parent to Layla…not me…She was all I had and you couldn't have just let her stayed? You couldn't have let something happen to me…" I was so angry I didn't know what to do. I blamed myself because I had broken up with Emma, I blamed Emma, I blamed everyone…finally I sat down on the swing set and remembered all of the great things that happened between us.

"Jay…You have to go back to the hospital…you need to go see your daughter" I didn't think that Sean would come out to try and find me but here he was telling me to go to my daughter. I just nodded my head and he led me back to the hospital. He told one of the nurses who I was and she brought me back into the NICU and showed me where my daughter was.

"You can hold her if you want." She gave me a sympathetic smile and walked away. I looked down at the little girl in front of me, she was so fragile looking. I lightly placed my hands under her and picked her up, she couldn't have weighed more then 5 pounds.

"Hey Layla, I'm your daddy. I know that you won't be able to get to know your mommy but don't worry I'm going to make sure that I tell you all the things that I know about her. Okay baby? You're so beautiful…you look just like your mommy, you know that? Both of you are possibly the prettiest girls I've ever seen. I never thought it would be possible to love anyone as much as I loved your mommy but I think that I might just love you a little more, but we'll keep that between us." There was no one else in the room besides a man who looked to be in his mid twenties. I wasn't even paying attention until he came up to me.

"You have a beautiful daughter…" he said to me and he looked at Layla and smiled. "Where is your girlfriend at?" I took a deep breath and wiped at my eyes, but to no avail the tears fell anyway.

"She…she died giving birth to our daughter."

"I'm so sorry…" was all he could get out before a lady, who I'm guessing was his wife, called him over to another baby. And I went back to looking at my little girl. She opened her eyes and looked around the room, she had dark eyes…just like Alex.

"Hey I think that you might just be an exact replica of your mom. You've got her gorgeous eyes and her beautiful dark hair. I love you so much already Layla…" I spent the next two hours sitting there with her. I was there until they told me that I should go home and get some rest, which I reluctantly did so. I had to walk home since I had told Ellie and Sean to take it so they could go home. As I was walking I realized that Alex's mom probably had no idea of what happened. So I made my walk over to her house and knocked on the door. Her mom was more than surprised to see me at the door.

"Jay what are you doing here?" she stepped outside so I'm guessing that Chad was home. I swear to god I will kill him if I ever see him again. I still remember how he slapped Alex…

"Alex…. she went into labor today…" I wasn't sure how I was supposed to tell her. Do I just come out and say your daughter is dead? How do I tell her?

"Well we better go and see her and the baby then shouldn't we." She noticed that I wasn't smiling like she was and she knew that something was up. "What happened? Is she okay? Is the baby okay?" I kept trying to say something but nothing would come out. "Jay tell me what happened!"

"The doctors said that she started hemorrhaging and they couldn't stop the bleeding…she died…" I wiped at my cheeks, I was going to try and stay strong for her mom. "The baby's fine though…"

"She's dead?" Patty broke down completely. I didn't know what else to do so I hugged her and we cried together. We had both lost someone that we loved…

"I know that you probably don't like me and all because I'm going to guess that Alex told you all about our break up but I was wondering if you could help me…plan the funeral…" She just nodded her head and after about an hour of us just standing there hugging and letting all of our tears out we were both all cried out.

"Listen Jay you had better go…Chad is going to be home soon and who knows what he'll do if he sees you…meet me at the hospital tomorrow at 11:30 okay?" I quickly nodded and walked away because I know of what the things Chad would do if he ever saw her mom with another guy, even if he knew the guy. I finally got back to my house and walked up to my room. I stayed in there for a little bit of time before leaving…I needed to get my mind off of this.

So what do I do when I want to do that? I drink…I went to the ravine to get wasted. I hadn't been there in a couple of months but it was still the same, the same van, the same cheap beer, and the same sluts going around trying to get bracelets. Once I got down there I realized why I had stopped going in the first place. But I couldn't leave yet…not without getting trashed first. I went over and grabbed a beer before talking to a few friends. A couple of the sluts tried to get me into the van but I blew them off and just drank beer after beer after beer. It helped numb my pain…for a few moments there I even forgot about the day's events but when I remembered it I felt sick to my stomach. I stumbled back to my house and collapsed on my bed. Quickly I fell asleep and had nightmares of the pain that Alex was going through and how it was all my fault…

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Blah…blah…blah...now go review…

…Taryn…


	2. Drunken Lullabies

For some reason I don't really like this chapter…but you should still review. And again thank Amanda for making me update lol…alright here it is…

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters…even though I do wish I owned Mike Lobel…lol j/k…

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(Jay's Point Of View)

I woke up with possibly one of the worst hangovers I've ever had. My head was pounding and I was really hungry. The events of yesterday ran through my head again and I had to hold myself back from crying. I remembered that I still had to go get my car from Ellie and Sean and be at the hospital by 11:30 to meet Patty. I swung my feet over the bed and stepped out. I noticed a bottle of half empty vodka sitting on my floor. I knew I shouldn't have but I reached over and grabbed it, I took a couple of long sips and let the liquid run down the back of my throat, it burned but it felt good. The alcohol gave me a little buzz and I left the room. The walk to Ellie and Sean's house didn't take that long only maybe 15 minutes. When I got there Ellie was in the living room watching TV and Sean was in the shower. I stumbled into the house, really feeling the effect of the vodka now.

"Jay are you fucking drunk?" I just sort of turned my head to the side and thought about her question. When I didn't answer I guess she took it as a yes. "What the hell are you doing Jay? You need to grow the hell up. Your little girl is in the hospital she _needs_ a father not some drunk bastard. Clean yourself up…you can stay here if you want and when Layla is out of the hospital you can stay here with her too." Ellie was one of the kindest people I think I've ever known. She's always given to other people instead of worrying about herself.

"El I don't want to be a burden on you and Sean with your baby being born in a couple of months." She gave me a typical Ellie looked that said 'if you don't stay here I'm going to force you'. "Alright fine…but let me know if you want me to leave, I can probably afford a small apartment if I have to." Even in my drunken state I could still think somewhat clearly enough to get my point across.

"Okay then we have a deal. I was about to head over to the hospital to go visit Layla…are you going too?" I nodded my head and she tossed my keys to the civic at me. We drove there and I noticed that it was a little later then I was intending to be there but I had hoped that Patty was still there. And just like I thought she was, she was sitting in the room when we walked in.

"Hey Jay…Is this Emma?" I guess that Alex hadn't told her mom that me and Emma weren't together any more and I guess she never told her mom what Ellie looked like because the look on her mom's face right now was pure hatred.

"No Patty this was one of Alex's best friends Ellie. Patty – Ellie, Ellie this is Patty, Alex's mom" I saw the look in Patty's eyes soften as she realized that it wasn't who she thought it was. "Come on guys let's go see the baby." I went to the front desk and the nurse there recognized me and said I could go back, she also said that they were allowed too. When we got in there I saw that Layla was awake and she was just looking around the room. She was only a day old and already so curious. "Hey baby" I said lightly picking her up.

"Jay she's beautiful." I saw Patty wipe tears from her eyes and I knew this must have been hard for her. She had lost Alex and I know they had finally gotten close over the last couple months. "She looks like a perfect mix of you and Alex. Can I…hold her?" I passed her over and watched as Patty's eyes lit up when she held her. "Hey Layla, I'm your grandma. You really are beautiful. Just like your mommy. You've got a great daddy too and he's gonna take great care of you." I grabbed Ellie's arm and we quietly walked out of the room so we could leave Patty alone with her.

"So that's Alex's mom?" Ellie and me walked to the cafeteria and I bought us some food. I nodded my head… "They do look a lot alike." We sat in silence for a few moments before Ellie spoke up. "I know that we've never been that close Jay. But I want you to know that I'm here for you if you ever need me…"

"Thanks El, that does mean a lot to me." And again we sat in silence for a while but this time I was the first one to speak. "Maybe we should go up and check on Patty and Layla, she's been up there for about a half an hour or so" As we made our way up to the room we walked in silence. I just didn't know what I was suppose to say to her, I was afraid to bring up anything about Alex for fearing that I might start to cry, and I didn't really know much about her besides that she's been with Sean for a long time and that she was best friends with Alex. I didn't really notice it till now but it seemed like I didn't know much about Ellie and Sean didn't know but about Alex…but our girlfriends were best friends (okay so in my case it wasn't girlfriend but still). I wonder why I never really took the time to get to know Ellie and Sean didn't try to get to know Alex. It wasn't until then did I realize that my buzz from my vodka that morning had worn off…but I was fine with that.

"Hey…" I said as we walked in, Patty quickly hushed me and said Layla was sleeping. "sorry" I whispered. "How are you doing?"

"I'm not doing that bad…I made arrangements to meet with the funeral home later today. You stay here I'll take care of all that stuff, stay here with your daughter." She got up and kissed me on my cheek before walking out. "bye Ellie. It was nice to meet you. I hope that I'll see you in the future." And with that she walked out. I had really wanted to go with her to the funeral home but I was to scared too…I watched as Ellie held Layla for a little while but then she said she had to go home so I was there…alone…just like before.

"Layla Hogart…I think it's missing something sweetheart." Whenever I held her she always seemed to open her eyes or do something of that nature, like open her mouth up. "How about Layla Alexandria Hogart? How does that sound?" I waited for her to do something that would make sure she liked it, as crazy as it may sound I was going to see how she would react. She opened her mouth up and it almost looked like a smile. "I'll take it that you like that name. Now you'll always have a piece of your mommy with you. I love you Layla Alexandria Hogart" I spent the whole afternoon there and I was very surprised when Patty came back.

"Hey Jay. I got everything set up…the funeral will be in four days. I got a deal with the funeral director, he gave me 25 off because he felt bad for me. But anyway…I want you to tell all of Alex's friends to please be there okay Jay?" I nodded my head because just talking about the funeral got me upset. "I have go home before Chad is there but I'll talk to you tomorrow" I watched her walk out and I turned my attention back to Layla…

"you know you have an amazing grandma…I can tell that she misses your mommy but don't worry she'll always been here for you too. You have me, Sean, Ellie, and your Grandma…we all love you so much…" I cradled her in my arms and cried. I was interrupted by the doctor though…

"Hey Jay…I just wanted to let you know that you can probably take her home tomorrow. And I'm sorry about your girlfriend…" he gave me a sympathetic look and walked out.

"Hey baby…you'll be able to come home and live with me, Sean and Ellie now…I can't wait. I'm sorry but I have to go to work but I'll come get you tomorrow and take you home…I love you" I gently laid her back down and left the hospital…I couldn't wait until tomorrow…

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review…please?

…Taryn…


	3. In This Together

Hey guys…heres the next part…I actually do like this chapter…let me know what you think…and thank Amanda again for being the Princess Of Rushing People lol…alright here it is…

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters…even though I do wish I owned Mike Lobel…lol j/k…

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(Ellie's Point of View)

"Sean" I called out as I stepped foot into our house. He most likely wasn't going to be happy about having jay living here with Layla but I knew Jay needed someone to be there for him. And I wasn't about to leave him to figure out how to raise a baby on his own. I still can't believe that Alex is gone. I'm trying to move on because I know that she wouldn't have wanted us to dwell on it for too long. "Sean I'm home" I called out again.

"Hey babe. Where did you go? He walked into the living room and he looked like he had either been sleeping or laying down…figures.

"I went with Jay to see Layla. I know that I have to tell him that Jay is going to be staying with us but I was scared to. "Okay Sean…remember after I say what I'm about to say you can't get mad at me because I'm having your child okay?" he raised his eyebrows at me… "Jay is going to be living with us…" I said it rather fast and I guess he didn't exactly hear me. "I asked Jay and Layla to move in with us…" from the look in his eyes I could tell that he was pissed.

"Ellie! We don't have enough room for them…our baby is going to be coming soon and we just got the nursery done." His voice had raised a little…I hated it when he yelled.

"I'm sorry Sean but Jay needs us to be there for him. And I'm not about to turn my back and leave him and Layla."

"So you had to invite him to live here with us?" his voice was starting to get a little louder now. ""Why do you always have to have people live with us El? Do you not like living with just me?" How does asking Jay to stay with us have anything to do with me nothing wanting to live with just him? I can tell that he's been holding some stuff in and I had a feeling that he was about to let all of it out.

"Well I'm sorry if I was trying to help a _friend_ out" I had always hated getting into fights, especially with Sean. "I'm out of here" I walked out of the door and slammed it shut. I decided to go to the Dot and get some food. Now Sean made me feel like I was such a horrible person, that my boyfriend felt that I didn't want to be around him. Everything is so messed up now…Alex is gone, Jay is upset because of that, and I don't know what to do. Alex was my best friend…and now I was going to go through raising my baby without her by my side going through the same things as me. Why did Emma have to push her? Did Emma like Jay enough to want to get rid of Alex for good? When I finally got to the Dot it was basically empty. I got a table in the back and ordered a cheeseburger with fries. Before I was pregnant I never really liked cheeseburgers but ever since I have been pregnant I've been eating them nonstop.

"Hey El." I noticed then that Paige, Ashley, Marco, and Hazel walked in. "How are you doing?" Marco and me hadn't really talked that much anymore and sometimes I would talk to Paige and Hazel, but Ashley wouldn't even look at me anymore. Paige sat down next to me in the booth and the other three sat across of me.

"I'm fine. No offense or anything but what did you guys want? I never really talk to any of you so you have to want something." I felt really rude saying it but I just wasn't in the mood right now.

"Where's your other pregnant slut friend?" I knew Ashley was talking about Alex and that really hurt me. In reality I couldn't really hold her against anything because she didn't know about Alex dying yesterday.

"Pardon Ash's rudeness but we were wondering if the rumors going around school that Emma pushed Alex and when she fell on her stomach it caused her to go into labor." Of course they were here about the fucking rumors. I knew that they wouldn't want to come just to say hey to me or anything. I wiped at the, shook my head and laughed bitterly. They didn't care about whether or not Alex was okay; they were just the gossip committee.

"Why the hell do any of you care? All you guys ever did was call us sluts behind our backs, except for maybe Paige. But why should I tell any of you?" I got up and started to make my way out but I heard Ash mutter something under her breath.

"Because you must be a slut to get pregnant" I can't believe her…

"Fuck you Ash, you used to be one of my best friends and you just turn your back on me over the stupidest shit. And you think that you need to be a slut to get pregnant? My god is you mistaken. Both Alex and me had only been with one guy. She was only with Jay and I was only with Sean. And if in your world that classifies us as sluts then screw you." Deep breaths Ellie…you can't get to upset it's not good for the baby. Deep breaths. Don't go over and strangle Ash. Just breathe Ellie.

"Please El, from what I hear at school each of you have been with your fair share of guys. Especially Alex…" What happened to Ash? She used to be such a sweet person who would always be there for me.

"Believe what ever the hell you want Ash. And by the way Alex died yesterday. Paige you're invited to the funeral…its going to be in four days. And as for the rest of you…I pity you guys…all you care about is rumors and who's doing what because you have such a pathetic life." I walked out feeling very good…I knew that Paige and Alex had talked a lot during work and I knew that Alex would have wanted her there but as for the rest of them, they could go to hell.

"she…she died?" I should have known that they would follow me out here after I said that.

"yea she did…are you guys happy now. Hey look at that one less slut in the world!" man these pregnancy hormones were really starting to affect my attitude. I had been doing a good job at holding the tears in though…at least they weren't pouring out, only a couple were rolling down my cheeks.

"Oh Ellie…" Now look who wants to talk to me…Marco…you've got to be kidding me.

"Don't 'Oh Ellie' me Marco you only want to talk to me if you have to now a days. None of you talk to us and I don't want your fucking pity now." Now I'm being a flat out bitch… "Come to the funeral if you want…" I walked away feeling satisfied that I had told them off and yet depressed at the same time. When I got back home Sean was sitting on the couch and it looked like he had been waiting for me. "hey…" I said quietly.

"Ellie I'm sorry about earlier, I've just been under a lot of stress and I wasn't in that good of a mood. I didn't mean anything I said. Of course Jay and Layla can live with us…" I then started to cry and I didn't even know why. "Ellie what's wrong? Baby what happened?"

"I ran into Ash, Paige, Marco, and Hazel…they asked me about the rumors about Alex and Emma and then they called me and her sluts. And Ash said that she heard that we had been with a bunch of guys. I just I don't know what to do anymore Sean." He got up from the couch and grabbed my hand pulling me into the bedroom. We laid down on the bed and just cuddled.

"it's all going to be okay El, Ash needs to shut up because she's not one to talk about being a slut. And as far as the rest of them are concerned who cares what they think. You know I love you baby and we both know you're not a slut. Just remember I'm always here for you no matter what" his words brought a smile to my face and I slowly drifted to sleep...

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now go review….

…Taryn…


	4. The Fiction We Live

Hey guys heres the next part…and thanks to all that reviewed. Don't forget to let me know what you think for this chap too…

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters…even though I do wish I owned Mike Lobel…lol j/k…

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(Jay's Point of View)

Alex haunted my dreams…the whole night all I saw were things that happened between us, good and bad. I felt horrible when I remembered all of the shit I had done to her after she accused me of cheating. I shouldn't have said any of that…

"_Where the fuck is my car" Logically it had made sense for them to take my car since they knew how much I loved it but it still pissed me off…_

"_Have fun trying to find it." She tossed the keys at my head and I had a feeling that something was going on that I didn't know about. _

"_What the hell is this Lexxi?"_

"_I don't know Jay why don't you go talk to Emma about it? Or for that matter just go be with her. I know you just love her. You know what? I don't need you. Go be with her skanky ass because I don't want you" I hated being yelled at like that; I hated being told that I wasn't wanted. I hated that she would think I would be with Emma…but I was also feeling anger boiling down inside of me. Did she honestly think that I would do something like that?_

"_I'm done with this shit Alex. Fuck it; maybe I will go be with Emma. You think that I want you either? I could get so many better chicks then you!" I know that I shouldn't have said it but by the time it came out of my mouth it was to late and I couldn't take it back. _

"_Fine then go be with them then!" the hurt and anger in her voice drove me crazy…how could I have just said that to her? I stomped out of the house, I hate way too much pride to go in there and beg for forgiveness for something I didn't do. So instead I got Emma…sort of my way of revenge, I guess you could say…_

I jolted up in my bed after tossing and turning, I remembered it all like it was yesterday. Finally I fell into a fitful sleep and woke up the next morning. When I got out of bed I remembered that I would be taking Layla home today and I was going to Sean and Ellie's to move in. I got into the shower for the last time at my house, my mom wouldn't notice if I was gone let alone my father. By the time I got out of the shower I only had a half an hour till I was suppose to meet Dr. Houston to get Layla. While I was getting dressed I couldn't keep a smile off my face, the only good thing going for me right now was that little girl. I wasn't about to fuck that up.

"Jay!" Dr. Houston called me over as I walked into the hospital, he was right there at the front desk and he told me to come back. "We have your daughter all ready for you, all you need to do is sign the papers and you guys can go. You know you're really lucky that she made it? Most of the babies born around the same time as her usually end up staying in here for a couple months or dying." Dying? Layla could have died? "I have a feeling that you will be a great father though Jay. And I'm really sorry about Alex." he told the nurse what was needed of me and he left. Thank god I had gotten a car seat a couple weeks ago because if I didn't now wouldn't have been the best time for that. I put her gently in there and got in the front seat. The drive to Ellie and Sean's was a little quiet and when I looked back I noticed she was asleep.

"Hey guys…" I said when I walked into their apartment. I didn't hear anything so I walked around looking to see if they were here. Quietly I opened the bedroom door and noticed they were still sleeping on the bed. As much as I didn't want to say it…they looked cute together.

"Jay stop staring at my girlfriend" I had been so lost in thought that I didn't realize that Sean had opened his eyes and was glaring at me.

"Oh yea Sean you caught me, I was staring at your girlfriend." Sean rolled his eyes at me. "I'll leave you two to sleep and I'll be out in the living room. Cradling Layla in my arms I sat down on the couch, she looked so beautiful. I turned the TV on and flipped between the stations.

"Hey." Sean said as he walked into the living room. I guess that I had woken him up…

"Hey man. What's up?" He took a seat next to me and I moved over.

"I'm sorry about Alex and all that…you know she's really beautiful" he moved his hand and rubbed Layla's head. "So what are you watching?" I knew Sean wouldn't stay on the topic of Alex very long because he knew how I was feeling.

"Nothing really, just flipping through. So how are things going between you and Ellie?"

"They're actually going pretty well. We got into a fight yesterday though…but we made up later." I laid Layla down in her car seat that I had brought in and just lounged on the couch. For some reason it felt like it was last year…when me and Sean would just sit around talking aimlessly and making fun of stupid shows.

"What did you guys fight about?"

"You moving in" Sean was never the type of guy to make up some excuse to avoid hurting your feelings and I didn't mind it. He would straight out tell you if you were bothering him or if something happened. I knew that I should have said no when Ellie asked me to move in but I didn't want to raise Layla in such a shitty environment, I wanted more for her then what I had.

"Oh…" was all I could think to say. "I'm sorry then" I didn't really think that an apology was in order but I didn't know what else to say.

"Don't be…I was being an ass about it" Again with the honesty…

"Hey guys…" Ellie said as she stood in the doorway to the living room. She looked like she had just woken up, her hair was everywhere, and her shirt was extremely wrinkled. "I'm going to take a shower." I watched as she left, just as fast as she had come.

"You're really lucky you know that Sean. You have an amazing girlfriend and you're going to have a great kid." At the same time me and Sean started to smell something… "Dude what is that smell? Did you fart Sean?" I looked up and him and he gave me a little glare.

"It wasn't me man…" we looked at each other and then looked down at little Layla who was just looking back and forth between us. Sean looked at me and started to laugh the hardest I think I've ever seen him. "Jay I think your daughter had a little accident."

"Hey Sean…my best friend you want to do me a favor?"

"Oh no you don't Jay. I think it's time you learn how to change a diaper." I leaned forward and picked her up holding her out in front of me. At the hospital they had changed her diapers so I didn't have to do it. I brought her into the kitchen and found a diaper that Ellie had for when her baby was born.

"Dude!" I yelled as I opened up the diaper and got a whiff of what was in there. I noticed that Sean was sitting there laughing his ass off at me. I held my breath and changed it as fast as I could. When I finished I folded up the dirty diaper and when Sean wasn't looking I tossed it at him.

"I think I'm gonna puke" Sean said as he tossed it back at me. I caught it and threw it in the trashcan…where it belonged. I picked up Layla again and cradled her in my arms.

"How can something so disgusting come out of something so cute?" I said without directing it anybody really just saying it. She looked up at me and it looked like she gave me a little smile and then closed her eyes and fell back asleep. "Is all that babies do, eat and sleep?"

"Basically" Ellie said from the hallway. "You know its really entertaining hearing you guys trying to change a diaper." I heard her trying to suppress her laughter which didn't really work since I could hear her all the way out here.

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Now make sure you go and review…please?

…Taryn…


	5. Answer

Hey guys…okay this is definitely my favorite chapter that I've written…I hope you guys enjoy it…and loving-rat-in-red feel free to make a future fic…okay guys…oh yea and the song in this is "Answer" by Sarah Mclachlan…

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters…even though I do wish I owned Mike Lobel…lol j/k…

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**4 Days Later **

_I will be the answer  
At the end of the line  
I will be there for you  
While you take the time  
In the burning of uncertainty  
I will be your solid ground  
I will hold the balance  
If you can't look down_

(Jay's Point Of View)

Today is the day. Today is the Funeral. Patty planned everything since she figured that I was still to upset to do it, which was basically true. I woke up dreading the whole thing. But I got up and dressed in a white polo shirt and a simple pair of black pants. I had wanted to look nice today…for Alex. I walked over to the bassinet that had bought for Layla. She was sleeping soundly, like usual. I picked her up and quickly changed her diaper (by now I was used to the smell) and got her dressed. It was only 9:30 and the funeral didn't start until twelve but I had to get there early along with Ellie, Patty, and Sean to make sure that everything was going as planned.

By 10:30 I was getting Layla into her car seat and Ellie and Sean climbed into the civic. When we got to the church Patty was outside and Ellie and Sean started talking to her. I walked into the church and my eyes fell on the open casket. Slowly I walked over to it and looked down at her. She looked the same as I remembered, and just as beautiful. The one thing I did make sure they did was dress her like she would have wanted, in her baggy guy's pants and a white wife beater. _  
_

"Why did you have to die Lexxi? I don't know how to raise a baby…god I hope I don't mess up and end up having Layla hating me. I'm so sorry Alex…I'm sorry for everything that I put you through. I'm sorry about that night four months ago when I told you that I could get a girl better than you…that wasn't true. I don't think there is a girl out there better than you." I held Layla closer to my body and sort of moved more over the casket. "See Layla that's your mommy. I'm sure that if she was still here then she would love you just as much as I do. Lexxi I wish you could have lived a little longer then you would be able to see how beautiful she is, she's just like you, she's got your black hair and dark eyes. I don't even think there's a little bit of me in there."

_If it takes my whole life  
I won't break, I won't bend  
It will all be worth it  
Worth it in the end  
Cause I can only tell you what I know  
That I need you in my life  
When the stars have all gone out  
You'll still be burning so bright_

I stood there staring at Alex's frail form for a long time, until I was interrupted by Ellie coming in and telling me that service was starting soon and people were starting to arrive. I handed her Layla and said that I was going to the bathroom. I splashed some water on my face and looked at my reflection. It didn't look like I had been crying to badly so I walked out and stood by Ellie. She handed Layla back to me and offered a little smile to try and comfort me. Everyone was pouring in now and we stood up at the front greeting people, in a line it was me (holding Layla), Ellie, Sean, Patty, and Chad (I had to fight every single urge in my body to punch him). I heard a lot of "I'm so sorry for your loss", "She was a great person" and "I hope you and your daughter the best"…all it coming from people who never gave a damn about either of us.

The only people there that were friends of Alex were Ellie, Sean, some people from the Montreal Crew and me. There were people from school there that hadn't said more then two words to any of us before. I hate how fake people can be, the only reason they probably came here was to see if it was true that Alex had died.

"Hey man I'm sorry…Alex was an awesome chick" My one friend Trevor said to me, I knew that him and Alex had been close before and I could see it in his eyes when said it that he meant it. "I'm guessing this is your little girl…" I nodded. "She's beautiful…and I can tell she's Alex's…" I shook his hand and I turned my attention to the people coming in. Within twenty minutes everyone was in and the service had started.

Cast me gently  
Into morning  
For the night has been unkind  
Take me to a  
Place so holy  
That I can wash this from my mind  
The memory of choosing not to fight

"I know that most of you already know why you're here today. But sadly a life has ended, way to soon might I add. Alex was an amazing person. She might have had a criminal record and had been a bit tough but when I did see her she was usually some what polite…seeing as to the fact that I didn't really know her to well I would like to invite Ellie up here to talk to you guys some more" I watched as Ellie gave Sean's hand a squeeze before she walked up on the little stage and started her speech.

"Umm…Hi you guys…I'm not very good in front of people so I'm sorry if I get a little bit nervous" She wiped at her eyes some and I could tell that she was trying to not cry. "I remember the night that Alex had come to me six months ago, she had needed a place to stay so I let her stay with me. Soon enough we became best friends, I guess you could say that we understood what the other one was going through because we were both pregnant. Alex was the type of person who never really cared what anyone thought of her, she was an individual." Again she wiped at her eyes and I realized how hard this was for her. "I'm sorry…" she couldn't stop the tears from coming now…she walked down the stairs and the next person up was Sean.

"Hey everyone…and like El I'm not very good in front of people so please forgive me if I start rambling. But anyway…Alex was an awesome person. I know that we might now have been very nice to each other but I guess you could say that we were like brother and sister. She was there for El when I wasn't and when I came back she was extremely protective. I can still remember the day she came over to Jay's and kicked me, possibly, the hardest I've ever been kicked where the sun don't shine…I don't think I'm ever going to forget that either. Alex made Jay happy and I know that he made her happy…now they have a beautiful daughter that I know Jay loves." He walked down and Patty walked up next.

"I know you've already heard it twice but I'm not good in front of people either." She dabbed at her eyes just like Ellie and continued. "Alex was my daughter…I know I wasn't that good of a mother but I tried. When Alex was born I was only 15…I was so scared that I was going to mess up and I guess that in the end I did. But I loved Alex…I'm sorry" With that she walked down and took her seat again, bawling her eyes out. I guess I was up next.

If it takes my whole life  
I won't break, I won't bend  
It will all be worth it  
Worth it in the end  
'Cause I can only tell you what I know  
That I need you in my life  
When the stars have all burned out  
You'll still be burning so bright

I had spent all last night writing a speech for today. "As many of you may know I'm Jay…Lexxi was one of the best people I knew." I looked up from my paper and looked around the room, none of the people here really knew Alex. I set the paper down and looked around at everyone. "You know all of you sitting here say that you're sorry about our loss…but do you even know what we lost? Did you ever take the time to get to actually know Alex without putting some sort of label on her?" I looked back down at my paper and was about to finish reading it when I heard the door lightly open and close. My eyes came in contact with someone that I did not want to see here. Suddenly I was full of rage…how dare she come here…how dare she even think of it. "What do you think you're doing here?" She gave me a little fake smile…

"I'm here for the funeral…" she gave me that attitude. I cannot believe that she would even think of coming here. "What am I not allowed in a public place?" I started to walk down the main aisle of the church right at her. Sean ran up and stood in front of me…

"Get the hell out of here Emma! No one wants you here…" All my attention was on her, Sean kept telling me to calm down but I ignored him and was only focusing on her.

"Oh really Jay? Didn't you want me a week ago?"

"You're the reason she's dead Emma…You're the fucking reason that my kid doesn't have a mom now…Are you happy Emma? Does it make you happy to know that you fucking killed her?" All of my anger boiled over and I couldn't control it anymore.

"but now that she's dead we can be together Jay…I can be your daughters mom…you don't need Alex…I'm better than her…" I would never ever punch a girl but right now I would make an exception if it wasn't for Sean holding me back.

"I don't want you Emma you are nothing but a slut. I will never let you even near my daughter. You think you're better than Alex? You are seriously funny if you think that. Just get the hell out of here…I think you've already done enough damage" I turned on my heel and walked away…It wasn't worth it…Emma wasn't worth it…When I got back up on the little stage I realized that Emma had walked out and all eyes were back on me.

"I'm sorry about that…but anyway as I was saying Alex was a great friend and a great girlfriend. I loved her with all my heart and I know that I made some huge mistakes in the past…I realize that now…"

_  
Cast me gently  
Into morning  
For the night has been unkind

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_

Alright there it is…now go review…

…Taryn…


	6. Drifting

Hey guys…I'm so sorry that I haven't posted in a long time…I've been so busy with my MLA paper, syllabus project, and tower project that I just haven't had time. but I promise when I'm done with projects there will be a lot more chapters…anyway this is the funeral from Ellie's point of view…I tried to make it a bit longer but I'm sorry if it sucks…thanks for all the reviews…and the song in this chapter is "Drifting" by Sarah Mclachlan.

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters…even though I do wish I owned Mike Lobel…lol j/k…

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_You've been gone so long all that you know  
has been shuffled aside as you bask in the glow  
of the beautiful strangers who whisper your name  
do they fill up the emptiness?_

(Ellie's Point of View)

The moment I woke up I remembered what day it was…I had been dreading the thought of going through with the funeral for the past couple days but I knew that it was inevitable that it was going to happen. As quickly as I could for a pregnant girl, I got dressed in a plain black skirt and black shirt. On the other side of the bed Sean was also getting dressed. He gave me a half smile to try and calm me down because he knew that this was hard for me.

"It's okay babe…" he walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me…I cried a little on his shoulder but he didn't care he just held me tighter and let me cry. After a few moments I was able to control myself and finish getting ready. Today was going to be so hard but I knew that I had to stay strong because what Jay was going through was probably ten times worse. At about 10:30 we all got into the car and started to make our way to the church…I stayed strong though and didn't break down in front of Jay. He to looked like he was trying to hold all of it in. When we got to the church he walked right in with Layla and I knew that he was probably going in there to go see Alex and I just let him go in by himself.

"So Patty how are you doing?" I asked her.

"I'm doing okay...the best I can. So how's Jay doing? Is he doing okay with the baby?" From the sound of her voice I knew that she was concerned about Jay…Who wasn't? Ever since the baby has been born he spends all his time with her, he hasn't been to school except when he went there to clean out Alex's locker.

"He's doing alright. He spends all his time with Layla though." We made idle chit chat for a little more and the next thing we knew, it was 11:30 and people were starting to arrive a little early. "I'll go and get Jay" I volunteered. I quickly walked in and noticed Jay standing there above the casket, holding Layla close to him. For a moment I was almost in a trance just watching how he seemed to be whispering to Alex…when I walked over to him and placed my hand on his shoulder he jumped a little.

"Hold her for a minute. I have to go to the bathroom first." He handed me Layla and I cradled her in my arms. She looked so fragile and tiny.

"Hey there little girl…I know that you don't understand anything now but when you grow up we'll be sure to tell you all about your mom. She would love you so much if she was still here…." I heard the bathroom door open so I figured Jay was coming out. He silently walked over to me and took Layla back. 

_Larger than life is your fiction  
In a universe made up of one  
You have been drifting for so long  
I know you don't want to come down  
Somewhere below you, there's people who love you  
And they're ready for you to come home  
Please come home_

We all stood in a row listening to everyone's pathetic ways of saying that they were sorry for our loss. I pretended to act like I cared what they said but in reality I didn't give a shit what anyone said to me, none of it would change anything anyway. When almost everyone was in the room I noticed Marco, Ashley, Hazel and Paige walk in…the only one who had to balls to come over and say anything to us was Paige. She pulled me a off to the side a little so no one could hear us…

"I know that I was never close to Alex and that we never really did get along but I still thought she was an awesome girl. And she would always stand up for what she believed in, she never let anyone push her around…and I know you're sick of people saying that they're sorry when they didn't know Alex so I'm not going to say that, I'm going to say that I wish you all the best of luck and I hope that you will remember her fondly." That actually meant a lot to me coming from Paige…she knew that everyone standing there was tired of hearing the same thing…

"Paige…thanks for coming today…and thanks for not saying what ever else said." She gave me a hug and walked back to her friends and I walked back to Sean and slipped my hand back into his. He gave me a little smile that helped me relax a little, and I let Paige's words sink in. She was right, we need to move on and not dwell on this, we need to remember Alex but not become stuck on it. The rest of the people said the same things that they usually do, and after about 20 more minutes of having to stand there and hear bullshit, the doors closed and the service began.

"I know that most of you already know why you're here today. But sadly a life has ended, way to soon might I add. Alex was an amazing person. She might have had a criminal record and had been a bit tough but when I did see her she was usually some what polite…seeing as to the fact that I didn't really know her to well I would like to invite Ellie up here to talk to you guys some more" I had been dreading having to get up and talk in front of all these people from the beginning. For one I never did like being in front of everyone but to have to talk about my best friend was going to make it even worse.

"Umm…Hi you guys…I'm not very good in front of people so I'm sorry if I get a little bit nervous" Just wonderful I haven't even gotten a whole two sentences out and I'm already crying. I quickly wiped at my eyes, trying to stop the tears a little bit. "I remember the night that Alex had come to me six months ago, she had needed a place to stay so I let her stay with me. Soon enough we became best friends, I guess you could say that we understood what the other one was going through because we were both pregnant. Alex was the type of person who never really cared what anyone thought of her, she was an individual." No…I'm not going to cry…I am going to get through the whole thing that I wrote…I cant. "I'm sorry…" I walked down the stairs on the stage and let the tears fall. I was never one who was good at holding that sort of stuff in…but I wish that I cold have done it just this once. I watched as Sean walked on to the stage and to the podium. He had exchanged his hoody and jeans for a black work shirt and a pair of black pants, although he did look different he looked really nice.

"Hey everyone…and like El I'm not very good in front of people so please forgive me if I start rambling. But anyway…Alex was an awesome person. I know that we might now have been very nice to each other but I guess you could say that we were like brother and sister. She was there for El when I wasn't and when I came back she was extremely protective. I can still remember the day she came over to Jay's and kicked me, possibly, the hardest I've ever been kicked where the sun don't shine…I don't think I'm ever going to forget that either." I silently laughed to myself as I remembered hearing all about that. "Alex made Jay happy and I know that he made her happy…now they have a beautiful daughter that I know Jay loves." He wiped at his eyes and walked back down to his seat next to me. I know that him and Alex never got along very well but deep down they really did care about the other. Patty was up next and she was already almost in tears.

"I know you've already heard it twice but I'm not good in front of people either. Alex was my daughter…I know I wasn't that good of a mother but I tried. When Alex was born I was only 15…I was so scared that I was going to mess up and I guess that in the end I did." She was basically crying her eyes out and I wanted to go up there and tell her everything was going to be okay but I knew that I couldn't. "But I loved Alex…I'm sorry" With that she walked down and took her seat. And next up was Jay…I think that doing this was going to be the hardest on him.

"As many of you may know I'm Jay…Lexxi was one of the best people I knew." He looked so sad and depressed… "You know all of you sitting here say that you're sorry about our loss…but do you even know what we lost? Did you ever take the time to get to actually know Alex without putting some sort of label on her?" what was Jay doing? I wasn't expecting him to say anything like that. But then again it's Jay we're talking about and we all know he's full of surprises. I heard the door open and close and there stood Emma Nelson… "What do you think you're doing here?" Jay had fire in his eyes and it looked like he was about to kill Emma.

"I'm here for the funeral…" I swear to god if I wasn't pregnant I would want to break her in half….she was tiny enough to. "What am I not allowed in a public place?" Jay suddenly hopped off the stage and started to make his way toward her. Sean gave me a look as to what we should do and I nodded at Jay, Sean took my clue and ran over and blocked Jay's way.

"Get the hell out of here Emma! No one wants you here…" The sudden screaming woke Layla who was sleeping in her car seat on the bench, I gently picked her up and tried to shush her. But mostly I was trying to focus on what was going on with Jay.

"Oh really Jay? Didn't you want me a week ago?" Emma has some nerve to come to Alex's funeral and say something like that…I really cannot wait until I have my baby…Emma is going to regret ever doing anything to my friends.

"You're the reason she's dead Emma…You're the fucking reason that my kid doesn't have a mom now…Are you happy Emma? Does it make you happy to know that you fucking killed her?" Jay let out all of his emotions that he had been holding in ever since Alex died and it looked like he was directing all of his anger at Emma.

"but now that she's dead we can be together Jay…I can be your daughters mom…you don't need Alex…I'm better than her…" I swear if it wasn't for Sean Jay would have punched Emma right then and there. Jay was never one to hit a girl but I think that he would have done it this once.

"I don't want you Emma you are nothing but a slut. I will never let you even near my daughter. You think you're better than Alex? You are seriously funny if you think that. Just get the hell out of here…I think you've already done enough damage" Without saying anything else Jay turned and walked back up to the stage. When he got back up there all eyes were back on him and Emma left.

_You walk in a room and the world stops to stare  
Mesmerize all who are caught in the glare  
Of the spotlight that follows wherever you go  
Does it light up the emptiness?_

"I'm sorry about that…but anyway as I was saying Alex was a great friend and a great girlfriend. I loved her with all my heart and I know that I made some huge mistakes in the past…I realize that now…I should have never chosen someone else over her. I guess you could say that the fact that she's dead is mainly my fault…the reason she was attacked in the hallway at school was because of me. It was my fault for breaking up with Emma and telling her that I loved someone else. Everyone knew that I still loved Alex and she used that to her advantage. Part of me wishes that it would have been me in there instead of Alex. She would definitely be a better parent to our daughter and she deserved to live more than I do." I know that it took everything Jay had in him to go up there and say that. But the truth was it wasn't his fault.

"I would like to thank you all for coming today…" The pallbearers, which included Jay, Sean, and Towerz, brought the coffin out to the hearse and many of the people followed in their cars to see the casket being placed in the ground. When we got there they had everything set up and we all had picked a flower off the table to throw in. They gently lowered it in the ground and it really hit me then that she was gone. Once it was in the ground and everyone had thrown their flowers in except me, everyone else left. Leaving me, Jay, Sean, and Patty standing there.

"I think I'm going to head back now" Jay, Sean, and Patty all said at the same time.

"I think I want to stick around for a little longer, you guys go ahead. I can call a cab to come get me in a little while." I hugged everyone and gave Sean a quick kiss goodbye. When I was sure that they were completely out of sight I knelt down on the ground next to the hole. They were suppose to come back and fill it in later…

"Hey Alex…" I tossed my flower in and just stared down at the others. "I miss you…you know that? I don't think I'll ever find a best friend as good as you. I'm going to miss all the times at the house before Sean was back…I still remember our pancake fight we had the second day you were there. It took me days to get the smell out of my hair…but I wouldn't trade that in for anything." I didn't even care that I was crying anymore. "I don't know how I'm going to do it…two babies in one household…but I think we'll manage somehow. Jay really misses you too…he won't let Layla out of his sight for more than five minutes…I think he's scared of losing her too. I have to go for now Lexxi but I'll be back soon…I'm gonna have to vent to someone…even if you're not here I know that you'll be listening…"

_  
Larger than life is your fiction  
In a universe made up of one  
You have been drifting for so long  
I know you don't want to come down  
Somewhere below you, there's people who love you  
And they're ready for you to come home  
Please come home

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_

Ok now you guys should go review…please?

…Taryn…


	7. I'd Give My Heart

Hey guys...i wasn't originally going to post this chapter but you can thank Amanda for it. Also I'm going away for four days this thursday so i dont know if i'll be able to get another chapter up by then but i'll try...alright here it is...please review...

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters…even though I do wish I owned Mike Lobel…lol j/k…

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**(Layla's Point Of View, 15 Years Later)**

"Layla Alexandria get your ass down here right now!" Whenever he used my first and middle name I knew that dad was mad…I kind of hung back for a few seconds before deciding whether or not I wanted to dive into my own destruction and go down there. "Layla you've got two seconds to get down here. One…" I ran down the stairs as fast as I could and into the kitchen where he was standing.

"Now what is it you wanted Daddy?" Usually if I sound sweet and call him daddy it gets me off the hook but from the look on his face I knew it wasn't going to work this time.

"Don't even try it. I just got off the phone with your school…they said that you haven't been there in 4 days…. now if I recall correctly didn't you say that your 'boyfriend' was taking you to and from school everyday? And don't even try to come up with a lie." By the end of his yelling, he was fuming…I don't think I've ever seen Dad this mad before.

"I'm sorry dad" was the only thing that I could think to say…his eyes softened a little and he sat down at the table.

"Layla…you know it seems like you are acting like your mom more and more everyday." Dad put his head in his hands and took a deep breath. "You are basically an exact replica of her. You both have a sweet side that you know can get you whatever you want and then you have your tougher side. But I don't want you to end up like her." I knew that it was still hard for him to talk about Mom. Anyone could tell that he still loved her…whenever her looked at old pictures of her, he would get this far away look in his eyes and you could just about see him reliving the past. "So do you want to tell me why you weren't in school for the last 4 days?"

"Do I have a choice?" He smiled a little and shook his head. "Well you see…um…. me and Andy haven't been spending a lot of time together and we sort of…just wanted to be alone." Dad sort of gave me a questioning look… "No we're not having sex dad." Technically we were but hey he never needed to know. "We just wanted to hang out alone. I'm sorry…I promise I'll be in school tomorrow."

"Trust me you're going to be in school tomorrow…because I'm taking you. And you're grounded for 2 weeks…oh yea and don't forget I want to meet this Andy guy tomorrow. So invite him over for dinner" My mouth dropped open. Dad was going to meet Andy. I know that he's not going to approve of him.

"Dad why do you have to bring me to school? And 2 weeks!"

"I'm taking you so I know that you're actually going to school and do you want to make it three weeks? Now go up to your room" Dad got up from the table and opened the refrigerator, grabbing a soda out.

"Find dad" I rolled my eyes and made my way up the stairs. We had been living in this house for a couple years now and I liked living here a lot more than I like living with Aunt Ellie, Uncle Sean and Cody.

(Jay's Point of view)

I don't know what I'm going to do with Layla…she's just like her mom, headstrong and stubborn. I'm terrified that I'm going to lose her too just like I lost Alex. I haven't been on a single date since then…I focused all my attention on Layla and her needs instead. I can still remember her first time asking about Alex, she had been 4 years old and noticed that all the other kids had mom's and she didn't.

**(Flash Back)**

_"Daddy why don't I have a mommy?" I knew that she was eventually going to ask me this question and I wasn't sure exactly how I was suppose to answer it._

_"Baby…you're special that's why" Pure bullshit. But what was I suppose to tell a 4 year old…that her mom died because of a bitch? Or that she died giving birth to her? What was I suppose to say? Layla gave me this look as if saying 'do you really expect me to believe that.' I will admit for a 4 year old she was extremely smart. "Your mommy went to a better place babe…"_

_"Where did she go daddy?"_

_"She's in heaven. She's always looking over you and making sure that you're okay. She really does love you Layla…" Even talking about Lexxi still brought tears to my eyes._

_"Don't cry daddy" Layla climbed on my lap and gave me a huge hug. "I'm sure Mommy's watching over you to" she was such an adorable little girl. She had long black hair and chocolate brown eyes…none of her looked like me…I swear everything about her was like Alex._

_"Thank you baby" I wiped the rest of my tears away and started bouncing Layla up and down on my lap. _

**(End Flash Back)**

I have a feeling that this Andy kid that Layla's dating is just like I was in high school. If she is just like Alex, then this guy has got to be like me. And I think that I want to scare him a little bit, let him know that I will have no problem what-so-ever in kicking his ass if he does anything to my daughter. I know that Layla probably isn't telling me the truth about what her and Andy were doing but hell who could blame her? I still have nightmares about when she first got her period…

**(Flash back)**

It _was couple days after her eleventh birthday, it was the middle of the night and she started screaming for me to come to her room. "Baby what's wrong?" _

"_Daddy I'm bleeding!" I didn't see any blood anywhere but when she said that I started freaking out inside…where was she bleeding from? What happened to her?_

"_Where are you bleeding from? Are you okay?" she pointed down towards her crotch and I inwardly laughed. She hadn't had the talk about stuff like that yet…and I sure as hell didn't want to give it to her. But I guess I didn't really have a choice now. "Layla…I didn't really want to be the one to have to give you this talk but I guess I have to. There's nothing wrong with you honey. It's normal…every girl goes through it. I'll be right back and I'll help you okay?" she just nodded her head and still had some tears coming down. I ran down the stairs and into the kitchen grabbing the phone and dialing Ellie's number._

"_What the hell do you want" Sean was so pleasant when you woke him up._

"_Put Ellie on the phone" I know that probably doesn't sound right but if I know Sean he'll be to tired to even ask why. And I was right. I heard Ellie say hello. "Ellie what do I do? Layla's got her period and I don't know what to tell her"_

"_First of all Jay take a deep breath. Now do you have any pads or tampons in the house? Wait why am I even asking…you have to go to the drug store and go buy some for her. Then look on the back of the box and explain to her how to use them. Now if that's all you wanted then I'm going to bed. Good night Jay" before I could respond she hung up the phone. _

_  
Okay now I'm suppose to go and pick up some pads and read what to do with them. I quickly ran into Layla's room and told her I'd be back in a few minutes. I got into my car and went to the closest drug store. When I finally found the isle with all the chick stuff in it, I had no idea there were so many different things. What the hell was I suppose to buy? I grabbed about 6 different kinds of things and headed to the register. The guy standing there gave me a weird look, which I had chosen to ignore. I paid and made my way home, I walked into the door and Layla was standing there waiting for me. _

_  
"Daddy why did you buy so many?" she opened the bag in my hand and I heard a giggle. "Uhh dad I don't think that I need diapers" she pulled out a package of Depends and threw it at me. That's why the guy gave me such an odd look when I was paying. _

"_How do you know what to do?" _

"_After you left Aunt Ellie called back and told me everything I need to know. And daddy the next time you go to buy this kind of stuff you might want to read the front of the packages. You got three packages of old people diapers, two packages of super tampons, and one package of teen pads." Okay so I may not have read everything that I grabbed…_

"_So you know what to do with this things then?" _

"_Yes…and you can keep the diapers dad." She ran over and hugged me, which was very unexpected. "Thank you so much." _

"_Your welcome. Now you go do what you have to do and get to bed." She gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked upstairs._

**(End Flash Back)**

Ever since then we had made sure that we never brought up anything that had to do with that. Except from time to time Layla would do it to freak me out, a couple times she put red dye on a tampon and left it in the bathroom for me to find. I know that she would never tell me that she was having sex but I know that she probably is. Me and Alex first had sex at 15 and Layla was almost 16 so I'm guessing that her and Andy probably have. But I swear if I find out that Layla is ever pregnant I'm going to break Andy's neck. I really have become an over protective dad…

I took a long sip of my soda and went into the living room. I was definitely going to have fun tomorrow when Andy came over...

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Now go review...

_...Taryn..._


	8. Forsaken

Hey guys…here's the next chapter…I hope you enjoy it and thanks to everyone who reviewed, I really appreciate it…

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters…even though I do wish I owned Mike Lobel…lol j/k…

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(Jay's Point of View)

I woke up and remembered that I was suppose to take Layla to school so I got a quick shower and threw on whatever clothes I could find. Which was basically a pair of jeans and a black shirt. I walked down the hallway banging on Layla's door. "Hurry up or we're going to be late. And don't you forget to invite Andy over for dinner."

"I'm already ready Dad" She stepped out of the room in a little tiny black skirt and white wife beater. Okay so I know she's just like Alex only she's way skimpier… "This outfit is fine dad"

"Layla I can basically see your ass" She rolled her eyes at me and pulled her skirt down maybe an inch at the most.

"Happy now?" That attitude of hers… "Let's go now" before I could say anything else she walked down the stairs and out the door. I grabbed my keys off the kitchen table and I followed her outside. I climbed in to the same car that I've had for almost 17 years and drove to Degrassi Community School. It looked the exact same, from the same big letters in the front to the stairs leading to the doors.

"Bye Layla. And I expect Andy to be at the house at 5:30. Love ya kid" I said as she got out and I drove off. I just could not wait for tonight…

"Hey Sean" I said as I got into work and put on my uniform. Sean and I had bought a mechanic shop about 10 years ago and we had been doing pretty well with it. Since there weren't that many in Toronto we got a lot of business and made pretty good money. .

"Hey man. You're ten minutes late."

"Sorry I'm late. I had to take Layla to school because apparently her and her boyfriend Andy have been skipping… 'To spend time together'. So now I'm driving her to school to make sure she doesn't skip." I looked over at Sean who had the doofy smile of his on his face. "What's that smile for?"

"She's turning out to be more and more like her old man every day. Dude you have to see Cody's girlfriend though…I just want to wring her neck, she's got that high pitched voice and laugh that just make you want to kill yourself. She's little miss perfect, never does anything wrong, and now she's trying to get Cody to be like that. Get this she told him that he should stop hanging out with Jared and Layla because Jared drank to much and Layla dresses to slutty and they're a bad influence on him. And then she comes over to the house in a tube top that barely covered her and a pair of shorts that looked like they were shoved up her ass." Jared was Towerz and Amy's son; he's only a couple months younger than Cody and Layla. Cody was born two days after Alex's funeral, which makes him about a week younger than Layla. Even though Layla was the oldest out of the three of them the boys were always over protective of her.

"I've got Andy coming over for dinner today and trust me I plan on scaring the living shit out of this kid. How about tomorrow we have a dinner with everyone? It could be very entertaining to me and you…we could have us, El, Layla, Andy, Cody, his girlfriend, and Roxy." Roxy was born a year after Cody and Layla…Sean and Ellie couldn't keep themselves busy enough I guess. But even though she's younger her and Layla are like best friends.

"Roxy will definitely enjoy watching this dinner. Alright we better get to work and I want to hear about your dinner with Andy tomorrow." I laughed a little and went ahead to work on the cars that I had left over from yesterday. For me the day went pretty quickly since I couldn't wait until tonight.

(Layla's Point of View)

I felt like such a loser, having my dad drop me off at school. I mean honestly who gets dropped off by their parents? I went to my locker really quick to get my stuff then I went to Roxy's locker to go meet up with her. "Hey Rox"

"Hey. What happened…you look sad" Roxy could always tell if I was upset I don't know how though. Ever since we were younger I could usually hide what I was feeling from everyone except her.

"Dad is making me have Andy over for dinner tonight. And he found out about all those times that we skipped school…but thank god I'm good with lying or else he would know about everything else me and Andy have done." I was so scared about tonight. I swear to god if Andy tells Dad anything I'm going to be screwed.

"That sucks."

"Yea tell me about it. I gotta get to class though. I'll see you in lunch" I started to make my way to first period/media immersions. I never liked computers and I hated the class but unfortunately it was a requirement in order to pass for the year. As I was walking into the room I felt an around my waist and I looked over to see Andy. I loved him so much…we've been together now for about a year but dad only knows about the past couple weeks.

"Hey babe" I gave him a quick kiss on his lips and I looked over to see Mr. Simpson giving me an extremely dirty look. I don't know why but he never did seem to like me.

"Miss Hogart you now have a detention after school today."

"Are you kidding me? what for?" I hated when teachers gave detentions especially when they were for such stupid reasons. But if I didn't keep my cool I could get in a lot more trouble.

"For public displays of affection. Now go to your seat before I make it two weeks of detention." I groaned and took my seat next to Andy.

"Andy…my dad found out about us skipping…he says you have to come over for dinner tonight…" I sort of whispered the last thing I said because I really didn't want him to have to meet my dad.

"that's okay. I promise I won't make your dad hate me" He leaned over and gave me a kiss on my cheek, which made me smile a little.

"Now both of you have detention everyday after school for a week." I don't understand at all why Mr. Simpson always seems to find a reason to give me detention or send me to the office.

"Whatever" I said and turned my attention to my computer. As if having Andy over for dinner wasn't enough now I have a week of detentions. I sat through the rest of the class not saying a word, I wasn't about to try and get another detention…

"I can't believe him" Andy muttered as we walked out. I just shook my head I didn't want to take my anger out on Andy especially right now.

"Sorry baby I have to go to class but you have to be at my house by 5:30 tonight okay? And please don't be late." I waited until we were out of Simpson's sight and I kissed him.

"don't worry I won't be late…I promise" We both went our separate ways and were unfortunately going to have to have dinner later.

(Jay's Point of View)

I got off work a little earlier than I usually do and decided to go home and clean up a little bit. It was already 4:30 and Layla still wasn't home from school yet and I was wondering if she skipped yet again. About five minutes later I heard the door open and slam shut. Layla walked into the kitchen where I was wiping off the counters and she looked furious.

"what happened?"

"I don't even want to talk about it" Instead of grilling her about it now I decided to wait until later to bring it up. So I just nodded my head and went back to what I was doing. "Oh yea and Andy said he'll be here. I'm going to go get changed. Let me know when he gets here"

"Alright" I watched her walk up the stairs and into her room. Only 45 more minutes until the fun begins. I had basically made the room as clean as it was going to get so I went to watch TV to hopefully make the time go by faster.

_(Flash Back)_

"_really?" It took a minute for the fact that Alex was pregnant to register in my mind but when I did it brought a smile to my face. I picked her up and started swinging her around. I set her down after a few minutes and she dragged me into Sean and Ellie's room. _

"_Jay. I love you" I had waited for her to say it for so long now and it sounded so great to hear it. "I think that I might be ready to trust you again. But if you so much as mess up once I'm done and this is your last chance."_

"_Lexxi I promise I won't cheat on you again. From now on I want what's best for you and this baby. And I want you to know that I really do love you and Amy and Emma meant nothing to me." I wrapped my arms around her waist and leaned in and gently kissed her. When we were really starting to get into it I thought I heard giggling coming from the doorway. WE each pulled away for a second and noticed Sean and Ellie standing in the doorway. Alex walked over and whispered something into Ellie's ear and they left…I wonder what she said._

"_now where were we?" I asked when she walked back over to me. Slowly I leaned in and we started kissing again. We tried to move towards the bed but instead ended up tripping over the bottom and I fell on top of her. "did I hurt you? Are you okay? What about the baby?" I rolled off her as fast as I could. I hope that I didn't hurt the baby…_

"_relax babe you don't weigh that much. I'm fine don't worry about it." This time she kissed me and started to take my shirt off. It took all I had but I pulled away from the kiss_

"_is it okay for the baby?" she shrugged her shoulders and I just gave her this look. "we aren't having sex until we know if its going to hurt the baby or not." I can't believe that I just did that…_

"_Jay?" She looked me in the eye, her mouth sort of dropped open from my seriousness "your serious aren't you?"_

"_yea I really am Alex. I told you I'm putting you and this baby first and I mean it. That means no sex until we know for sure."_

_(End Flash back)_

I remembered that day like it was yesterday. That was one of the only times that I ever turned down sex from Alex. The only other time was when we were both really drunk and hadn't had sex yet. I was snapped out of my reminiscing by a knock on the door. That must be Andy…when I opened the door I saw a guy that looked a lot like a did in high school, he had the back wards hat on, the baggy jeans, and the signature big hoody.

"You must be Andy." I extended my hand to him and he shook it. So far he seems nice enough…

"Nice to meet you Mr. Hogart." Okay this kid seems way to polite. But I know in his head he's freaking out and doesn't know what to do.

"you can call me Jay" I walked over towards the stairs and yelled for Layla to come down. Then I led Andy into the kitchen and sat down at the table. "so Andy what's your last name?" I didn't crack a smile once…and it looked like it was kind of scared.

"It's Deloise…so umm Jay…what do you do for a living?" He was already starting to crack…this kid was going to be easy to scare.

"I'm a mechanic." I stared him dead in the eye the whole time we were talking. I noticed that he looked like he was starting to back down. Layla came down the stairs in a pair of jeans and a black wife beater and I was happy that she didn't wear her little skimpy skirts and tight shirts.

"Hey dad" She gave me a look telling me not to grill Andy which made me laugh on the inside. It was amazing how she could tell me something with just one look. "so when are we eating?"

"I just have to call the pizza place and then we'll be ready. I'll go do that now…you two can talk" I walked out of the room and stood by the door listening to what they were saying.

"Andy…you know I love you right?" I guess he nodded his head because she continued talking. "I sort of have something that we need to talk about…"

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now please go review :)

…Taryn…


	9. Vindicated

Hey…I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in a long time…I've had writers block and I've been trying to work on my school work to because I've got finals coming up in three weeks that I need to study for…anyway thanks to all that reviewed for the last chapter I really appreciate it. And the song in here is "Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional…

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters…even though I do wish I owned Mike Lobel…lol j/k…

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_Hope dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption  
Winding in and winding out  
The shine of it has caught my eye  
And roped me in  
So mesmerizing, and so hypnotizing  
I am captivated  
I am_

(Layla's Point of View)

I didn't want to say it out loud because when I do it's going to mean that it's actually true. Dad was going to kill me and I don't know what I'm going to do. "Andy I don't know how to tell you this…but I'm late…" there I said it.

"What are you talking about babe you're not late for anything." I had wanted so badly to laugh at his stupidity but this was too serious for me to laugh. I rolled my eyes at him and he finally got it. "You're pregnant?"

"I think I might be…what are we going to do?" he shook his head at me and stood up…

"It can't be my kid" wow that took me by surprise…he's the only guy I've been with and it pissed me off that he would say something like that.

"What the hell are you talking about Andy…you know I've only been with you."

"And I've always worn a condom." He started to walk towards the front door and I followed him, furious that he would deny that it was his kid.

"Sorry to be the one to inform you hun but_ condoms can break_" He started to walk out and I grabbed his arm and turned him towards me. "So what you stay for the fun but as soon as some bad shit happens you leave? Fuck you Andy" I ran up the stairs as fast as I could and went into my room. I collapsed onto my bed crying my eyes out. I can't believe that he would deny that he got me pregnant. I laid there for a couple minutes when I heard dad come into my room.

_So clear  
Like the diamond in your ring  
Cut to mirror your intention  
Oversized and overwhelmed  
The shine of which has caught my eye  
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated  
I am certain now that I am_

"What's wrong Layla?"

"Can you please just leave me alone dad?" I felt bad saying it because dad really did sound concerned about me, but I really didn't want him to know about my fight with Andy.

"Alright. But I'm here whenever you want to talk. And if it's a girl thing you can call Ellie I'm sure she'll be able to help you. The pizza is in the refrigerator too if you want anything to eat. I'll be downstairs" I heard him walk out and the door and close it. I got up and changed into a pair of sweat pants and my favorite baggy shirt. I felt like shit and I didn't know what to do about it. After thinking about it for a while I called Aunt Ellie. "Uncle Sean can I talk to Aunt Ellie."

"Yea hang on for a second kiddo" Ever since I was younger Uncle Sean would always call me kiddo instead of my name and for some reason I hated it whenever anyone else called me it…it was almost like something just between us. I started to daze out thinking about that when I heard Aunt Ellie come on the phone.

"Hey Layla…what's up?"

"Aunt Ellie I need your help….something happened…I can't really talk about it over the phone. Can you come get me please?" I felt bad calling her and asking her to come pick me up but I didn't know what else to do and I know that she's been through this.

"yea I'll be there in 5 minutes" I heard her hang up and I set the phone down. I grabbed my jacket and walked downstairs.

"dad I'm going out with Aunt Ellie for a little bit. I'll be back in soon. Bye" I walked out the front door and sat down on the steps waiting, a million thoughts running through my head. Aunt Ellie beeping her horn snapped me out of it and I went and got in to the car.

"So you want to tell me why you needed me to come pick you up?"

"I will as soon as you start to drive and we are far away from dad. And we can't go back to your house either because I don't want Cody or Uncle Sean to hear any of this." We started to drive for a few minutes and I was trying to figure out some way to tell her.

"How about we go to McDonalds? I doubt we'll see anyone in there that really matters." I nodded my head and we made our way to McDonalds. When we got there we each got some food and sat down at a table. "So tell me what's on your mind Layla"

_So clear  
Like the diamond in your ring  
Cut to mirror your intention  
Oversized and overwhelmed  
The shine of which has caught my eye  
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated  
I am certain now that I am_

"I'm sorry that I asked you to come get me but I didn't know who else to talk to since you're the only one I know who's been through this." I watched her eyes go wide as she realized what I was talking about. "I don't know for sure but I'm a week and a half late."

"Does your dad know?"

"no…I told Andy tonight and he freaked out saying that it wasn't his. I'm scared…what if I really am? I don't know how to raise a baby. I don't see how you and Uncle Sean did it. I don't even see how dad did it." I could feel the tears rolling down my face and I wiped at them trying to make them go away.

"Layla come here" she pulled me into a big hug and let me cry on her shoulder. She didn't even seem to care that people were giving us weird looks or anything. After a few minutes I finally calmed back down. "Why don't we go to the drug store and buy a test to make sure whether or not you are?" I nodded my head and we got back into her car. We got to the drug store and I looked at all the tests.

"Which one do I take?" I whispered to her a little embarrassed. Aunt Ellie laughed at me and grabbed one that looked like it said you had to pee on the stick. "I have to pee on the stick?"

"yes" she said laughing at me… "Come on I'll pay for it." We got up to the front and she handed the cashier the test and she paid. "How about we go to my house to take it? I doubt you want your dad to see it. And we can hide it from Sean and Cody."

"That sounds good" we didn't really talk on the way back to her place but when we got there I quickly walked to the bathroom and she followed. "Can you go get Roxy?" She walked out of the bathroom and a few seconds later came in with Roxy.

_So turn  
Up the corners of your lips  
Part them and feel my finger tips  
Trace the moment, fall forever  
Defense is paper thin  
Just one touch and I'd be in  
Too deep now to ever swim against the current  
So let me slip away  
So let me slip against the current  
So let me slip away _

"What's up Layla?" I held up the pregnancy test. "before you say anything close the door and turn around I want to get this over with as soon as possible." They listened and turned around…this was so disgusting. It took me a few minutes to get myself to piss, when I was done I set the test on the sink and looked at the clock. I had to wait a half an for this thing…

"Does Andy know? What about your dad? What are you going to do if you are? Are you getting an abortion? Are you keeping it? Are you gonna give it up for adoption?"

"Slow down with the questions Rox. Andy knows and he told me that it can't be his kid. Dad has no idea. I don't even know what I'm going to do when if I am. Let's just see if I really am first before we start thinking about what I'm going to do…" Roxy looked livid when I said the part about Andy.

"You won't mind if something 'accidentally' happens to him…right?" I had a feeling that she was going to recruit Cody and Jared to help her on whatever she was planning, and I think it's going to be something good. Usually all of them are friends but Me, Roxy, Cody, and Jared have been best friends since we were in diapers and we never let anyone come in between us.

"Just don't hurt him to badly." I looked back up at the clock and noticed that it had only been ten minutes since I last looked. "There's still another twenty minutes. Aunt Ellie…If I am can you wait and not tell Dad or Uncle Sean for a few days, I want to tell Dad myself and I already know he's going to tell Uncle Sean."

"Your secrets safe with me. And that includes you too Roxanne." This made me laugh a little because I know what a big Daddy's girl Roxy is and she tells her dad everything. "That also means that you have to hold out for a few days on your revenge."

"Yes mom. So Layla what exactly happened when you told Andy that you might be pregnant?"

"He freaked out…told me that its not possible that it's his baby because he's always worn a condom. Which then got me pissed because he's the only person I've ever been with and he's basically calling me a whore" I was cut off by someone banging on the door like crazy.

"Who's in there come on I have to go to the bathroom! You've been in there for twenty minutes…I'm about to piss my pants!" Cody can be such a charmer…

"Shut your mouth Cody! We'll be out in twenty minutes. Why don't you just go downstairs if you have to go so badly?" I loved Cody to death but sometimes I just wanted to rip his head off.

"First of all what the hell are you doing in the bathroom Layla? And I don't feel like making Kelly wait in my room by herself. So will you guys please hurry up?" When he said Kelly I gave Roxy a weird look and she mouthed 'his new girlfriend' at me. Cody could never keep a girl for more than a few weeks before deciding that she didn't hold his attention and my guess was this chick was no different.

"Cody if I ever ask you anything please just leave us alone for twenty more minutes and then I promise we'll be out of here."

"You're lucky I love you like a sister Layla…" I heard him walk away and I was so glad that he didn't keep bothering us. Once again I looked at the clock…five minutes left…five minutes till I find out the fate of the rest of my life. I watched the second hand slowly go around the clock…four minutes…three minutes…two minutes…one minute…

"You ready?" Aunt Ellie asked me…I looked away from the test as if I was scared to look at it and I was. I was terrified of what it might say.

"as ready as I'll ever be…but can you please look at it and tell me?" She nodded her head and slowly walked towards the sink. She picked up the box looking at the back, then she looked at the test and then to me… "It says…"

_Slight hope  
Dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption_

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Please, Please, Please go review…

…Taryn…


	10. Wake Me Up When September Ends

Hey Guys…I know its been a long time since I've updated…but I've just been so busy with all of my friends and trying to enjoy my summer. Plus this chapter was a hard one for me to write. But I hope you enjoy it even if I think it sucks, sorry its so short too. And thanks to all those who reviewed…The song in this is "Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Green day.

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters…even though I do wish I owned Mike Lobel…lol j/k…

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_Summer has come and passed  
The innocent can never last  
wake me up when september ends  
like my fathers come to pass  
seven years has gone so fast  
wake me up when september ends  
here comes the rain again  
falling from the stars  
drenched in my pain again  
becoming who we are_

(Jay's Point of View)

What am I suppose to do? Do I yell at Layla? Do I tell her that I'm disappointed? Do I kick her out? Am I suppose to be supportive? What am I going to do? I never thought that she would follow in mine and Alex's foot steps but I guess she has. I knew that it was a mistake to eavesdrop on her…nothing good ever comes out of eavesdropping. I didn't want to just tell her I knew what she was telling Andy because I want her to come and talk to me about it. But I can't believe the asshole just walked out and said it wasn't his. The next time I see that kid I swear I'm going to hit him.

I let her go with Ellie because I know that she needed someone to talk to about this and I doubt I would be her first choice for that. And I think that because Ellie knows a lot more than I do about the whole girl being pregnant thing I hope that she helps her.

(Layla's Point of View)

"It says….you are" The moment I heard it, it was as if time had stopped. I was pregnant…really pregnant. Suddenly everything seemed to be in slow motion and I just sat there staring at nothing. I couldn't be…its not possible. We used protection every single time. I don't know what I'm going to do…

"Will you guys please get out of the damn bathroom!" The sound of Cody's voice snapped me out of my trance, if you could call it that.

"I had better get home…Roxy I'll give you a call later. And thanks a lot Aunt Ellie…I just need to go home right now. And please don't let anyone know yet." I gave each of them a hug and started to walk out the door, but as soon as I opened it I could feel the warm tears sliding down my cheeks. I had to get out of there, it was just to much for me. I pushed past Cody and ignored his calls after me asking me what was wrong.

I just couldn't deal with any of it. Once I got out the front door I realized it had started to rain and I didn't care. The walk back to my house was about an hour away and I just didn't care if I got there or not. What was I supposed to do? I don't know how to take care of a baby…let alone raise one. And dad's going to kill me. Even though him and my mom went threw the same thing. I can't believe that Andy would just fucking leave me like that…he used to always tell me that no matter what happened we would always have each other…which I now see was pure bullshit. And the sad part is I still love him with all my heart…is that a bad thing?

I looked up and realized that I was in front of my house. It felt like I stood there for hours, but in reality it was only a couple of minutes before I opened the door and walked in. Dad was sitting on the couch in the living room and I didn't know if I should tell him just yet. He looked up at me and nodded for me to sit down next to him.

"Dad we need to talk and I need you to please not freak out at me" I can't believe I'm really going to tell him.

"What is it Layla?" He sounded so concerned and worried about me…I don't know how he's going to react to my news.

"I'm…" I couldn't say it. I couldn't get myself to say it out loud.

"you're what baby?"

"I'm pregnant dad…"

"are you positive?" He didn't sound to mad…I guess that's a good sign.

"I took a test at Aunt Ellie's and it came out positive. I told Andy about how I thought I was and he freaked out and ran out…"

"Andy's an asshole then." That brought a smile to my face. "but how about I set up an appointment at the Clinic for you to get a test by a doctor and then we'll talk about what's going to happen then okay?"

"That sounds good to me dad…and thank you for understanding and not freaking out. I think I'm going to go to bed now…good night" I gave him a kiss on the cheek and made my way upstairs, feeling like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

_as my memory rests  
but never forgets what I lost  
wake me up when September ends  
summer has come and passed  
the innocent can never last  
wake me up when September ends  
ring out the bells again  
like we did when spring began  
wake me up when September ends_

(Jay's Point of View)

I can't believe she's really pregnant…I had hoped that she wouldn't make the same mistake that me and her mom had made but I guess she did. I waited until Layla went up to bed before I set out to go to where I needed to go. I had to go see someone. I took my same old civic and started driving, it was only about 20 minutes away…I hadn't been there in almost 15 years. I just couldn't do it, it became to painful for me. When I pulled into the drive way I got out and looked at the gravestone.

"Hey Lexxi. I know I haven't been here in a long time and I'm sorry that I haven't been. I still miss you with all my heart. Layla turned out to be just like you. I still kind of wonder what it would have been like if you hadn't died after giving birth. I wonder if we would have been a family, if you would have raised her without me, or if you would have given her up. Tonight she came home and told me that she was pregnant…I'm scared that what happened to you is going to happen to her to. I don't know if I can take losing her…it already killed me when I lost you."

I dabbed at the lonely tear sliding down my cheek. It's been 15 years and I still cry over it. "I never really did apologize to you about what happened with all the Emma bullshit. That day that I broke up with her…I was doing it for you. I had wanted to be with you ever since we had broken up again. But I guess the both of us had to much pride to admit that we were wrong. But I'm afraid Layla and Andy are going through the same thing. He's denying that the baby's his and I can tell that it's eating her up inside that he would accuse her of being with someone else."

More tears started coming now and I didn't care, I just let them fall. "Ellie and Sean are doing really good. Cody's a typical teenage boy…last I've heard his got this new girlfriend that Sean can't stand. From the sounds of it she's just like Emma used to be."

_here comes the rain again  
falling from the stars  
drenched in my pain again  
becoming who we are  
as my memory rests  
but never forgets what I lost  
wake me up when september ends_

"Why'd you have to leave me Lexxi? I don't know how I'm going to deal with a pregnant teenage daughter. She's just as headstrong as you were though, she's got the same attitude to. But I'm just hoping that nothing happens to her." I looked down at my watch and realized that I had been here for about an hour, I thought that I had better start heading back home before it gets to late. "I'm sorry I don't come here very often Alex, it just hurts to much but I promise I'll come more often. And if you can hear me, I want you to know that I still love you with all my heart. Good bye." I walked away and got back into my civic…and headed home…

_Summer has come and passed  
The innocent can never last  
wake me up when september ends _

like my father's come to pass  
twenty years has gone so fast  
wake me up when september ends  
wake me up when september ends  
wake me up when september ends

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Now you guys should go review…thanks a bunch..

…Taryn…


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